First off, y’all know how I’m ridiculously paranoid–checking underneath cars before I get into them at night, you know, for the people…hiding underneath…ready to slash your ankles–and this is where it comes from. My mother just sent me an email with this as its subject heading:
FW: A NEW KIND OF RAPE.
The “article” that follows is about how sexual predators are now using small children to lure women to their evil lairs. They put said children on the side of the road and tell them to act afraid, I’m sure if this was true the kids would actually be terrified, and then convince female passerbys to take them back “home” which is rapist code for cave of torture. Unlikely, I know.
But my mother, bless her, is so terrified that something might happen to any of us that she forwards this stuff constantly. Only to have my brother, almost instantly, reply to her with “Mom, it’s a hoax. Here [insert link disproving said cautionary email].”
In a less traumatic email, she told me about what my family did for Thanksgiving. And y’all know how much I love the idea of holidays, like gathering around with family and friends for some good stuffed turkey and mashed potatoes wearing silly construction paper pilgrim hats. But alas, no matter how much I desperately dream for those kind of holidays, I’m Asian, and I usually get Thanksgiving stir fry or hot pot.
But, oh cruel fates, the year I had to go to England for Thanksgiving–where the holiday doesn’t even exist–my family does Thanksgiving right. They had not one properly stuffed turkey, but TWO. How is that for irony?